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公開日:2017.09.20

叱るべきときに叱るということ

「叱る」と「怒る」は似ていて、ときには同じように使われることも多いです。しかし、どちらが良いのかは、あなたもお分かりでしょう。

「怒る」とは、自らの感情に任せて腹をたてること。相手のためではなく自分のためにする感情表現です。それに対して「叱る」とは、自己中心的でなく、相手のことを考えて諭してあげること。

しかし、怒られるのも叱られるのも「好き」という人はいないでしょう。経営者であれば、叱られる方ではなく、叱らなければならない立場になることが多いでしょう。叱られるのも嫌でしょうが、叱るのも気分の良いものではありません。できれば、叱りたくありませんよね。会社だけでなく、家庭や学校でも規則を守らなかったり、危険なことに関しては叱らなければならない場面がたくさんあります。ただ、叱るべきかどうかは規則のように決められているものだけでなく、価値観の問題もありますし。正解のない世界なので、難しいところだと思います。

叱っても、いくら正しいことを言ったとしても「言い過ぎだったのではないか」「他にもっと言い方があったのではないか」など自分自身反省することもあるでしょう。ちゃんと話を聞いた上で叱っただろうか、本当に叱るべき時だったのか、などいろいろ考えることも多いものです。叱ったことで自己満足するようではいけません。ちゃんと相手に伝わるのが一番ですが、もし納得がいかなくても何かしら相手が立ち止まって考えるために導くことができたかが重要です。

気分に任せて怒れば、一瞬はすっきりするのかもしれませんが、それも後味は悪いはずです。「叱る」は相手の成長を考えてこそ必要なことなので、伝え方やタイミングは本当に大事だと思います。そして、いくら正しいことでも、そこに信頼関係がなければ、最初から反発心を持つだけで、相手は聞く耳も持たないでしょう。相手が自分のことを思って言っているのか、それとも気分や自分の欲のために言っているのかはすぐにわかるものです。

信頼関係があっても叱られるその時は理解できないことも多いものです。しかし、すぐにわからなくてもいつか分かってくれる時がくればいいと、叱る相手に対しての未来を考えてあげることも大切です。誰も叱りたくありませんが、社員の成長、子供の成長のためなど責任があるからこそ叱らなければなりません。

 

叱ることの大切さ

叱られた時、あなたはどんな気持ちになるでしょうか?多くの場合、自分を否定された、悲観されたと思うことも多いでしょう。自分のことを分かってくれない、と思い否定的な感情を持つかもしれません。しかも叱れば嫌われる可能性もあります。しかし、親が子供を叱る理由は、もちろんわざわざ嫌な気分にさせるためではありません。人に迷惑をかけてはいけないから、危険な行動から大きな怪我などしないように、そしてちゃんと一人で生きていけるように、叱るのです。愛情を持って叱るのです。自分が子供の時、母親が厳しくてよく叱られてイヤだった記憶がありますが、今はそうしてくれたから今の自分があると感謝します。そう考えると叱ることって大事だと思いますし、叱られることもありがたいことなのだと思えるのではないでしょうか。

 

褒めることはもっと大切

叱ることは大切ですが、叱ってばかりで褒めない人とずっと一緒にいたいと思うでしょうか?もちろんイヤですし、本来の目的を達成するためではなく、相手の顔色ばかりうかがって「叱られないように」と消極的な行動を取る可能性があります。それでは、相手のことを思って叱っていることにはなりません。叱ってばかりいてよくなることもありません。実際、褒められると成績が上がり、叱られ続けると自信喪失や挫折感を感じ、成績が下がるという実験結果もあります。褒めるべきところはちゃんと褒めてあげて、認めてあげること。やはり褒められればテンションもやる気も上がるものです。かと言って、褒めることは甘やかすことでもありませんし、ご機嫌を取ることでもありません。褒めると叱るはバランスが大事です。

 

叱られなくなったらおしまい

叱ることが必要のない人や時期もあります。しかし、叱るべき時に叱ってもらえなくなったらおしまいです。考えてみてください。相手に期待もしなければ叱る必要がありません。それは叱っても意味がない、叱る価値がないと諦めた時ではないでしょうか。

 

叱られ慣れ

何度叱られても嫌な気持ちになったり、反省したり、自分を見つめ直したりするものですが、何度も叱られていると「叱られ慣れ」をしてしまう場合があります。人間は、根本的にすぐに変われないため、何度も同じことを叱る場合もありますが、「また叱られた」「謝ればいい」といった感情を持つなど叱られること自体に慣れてしまうと、労力を使って叱る意味もなくなります。

 

叱られたときに、立ち止まり、真摯に自分と向き合って改善できれば、成長することができます。そのためにも、叱り方、タイミングというのはとても重要だと思います。そして、なかなか叱ってくれる人が少ない経営者は自分自身で成長するための答えを見出さなければならないことが多いということですね。

 

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